Thursday, September 4, 2008

Why do I even bother?

A few years ago I put a personal up on a local dating site. I have a friend that has had some success there but, sadly, I have not fared as well. I think I need to just take my profile down because it's getting a bit silly.

Let's see, first we had John who said he was 5'7" but was indeed shorter than I am (5'2"). I get it, you are insecure about your height - but don't flat out lie. 5'7"? Not even in stilettos buddy. He was, however, a very dedicated recycler and strongly believed that everyone should sell their cars and ride a bike. He had carnie hands, was very jumpy and lived with 5 guys in Gresham. I couldn't get the idea of meth labs and dog fights outta my head.

Next was Brian. Brian was very nice and I enjoyed meeting him, but he was ENORMOUS. Not fat, just gigantic. I'm talking Andre the Giant sized. He was about 6'6" and nearly 300 lbs. I couldn't even hug him from my tippy toes. He also happened to be a nurse and I thought he seemed "a little light in the loafers" so I let him know I only wanted to be friends. He declined my offer.

Next was Nick. Nick was super cute and, of course, a total douchebag. On our second date he said something about "my personality being my best trait." It wasn't what he said, but the way he said it... kinda like the way gramma used to say "you'd be so pretty if you just lost a little weight." And yet, I continued to date him. Let's just say it didn't end well.

Last spring was James. James seemed promising, he worked for a non-prof and we had similar interests in movies and music. But man was he jumpy. On the first date I chalked it up to nerves and so we met for dinner. The conversation was good but he was talking really fast and constantly glancing around like he was being watched. About halfway through the meal he asked for the check, paid and had his food bagged. He just could not get out the door fast enough. It was very odd but I left for Korea the next week so no biggie.

Tonight was Bob. I was looking forward to meeting him - he just returned from a year living in Scotland and I wanted to hear about his travels. We exchanged several emails about going to the Moon & Sixpence for a pint. When I suggested we meet on Thursday at 7 he responded "great, but where shall we go?" Ummmmmmm....really? Okay, whatever, he's probably talking to like 15 girls on here and just got confused. Anyway, I was there at 7 and he was not. And still not there at 7:30. I guess I've officially been stood up for the first time. Bummer, but it's probably just as well - I had my eyebrows waxed yesterday and I've developed a little ridge of horns right across my forehead. Lovely.

To top my night off I went to the Interstate Fred Meyer to get dog food. Normally I try to avoid that FM because the parking lot is a nightmare and it's always a madhouse. But it was on my way home and Sabine is a hungry girl so I stopped. Dear me, I don't know what was going on tonight but the place was crawling with crazies. It's like they posted a "free meth" ad in the local paper. In the dog food isle some nutcase nearly knocked me over as he carried 16 bag of dogfood down the isle talking to himself. Then some other lady was mumbling to herself, scratching her forearms and had this half-dead zombie smile on her face while she read every one of the cat food labels. Seriously weird.

I think I'm going to go watch a movie in bed. And tomorrow I'm going over to Miss V's house to watch Psyche & Jason Statham movies and entertain her. She's having her wisdom teeth removed and will hopefully be delightfully loopy on Vicodan. Hooray for not working!!


stedman said...

don't forget i have a LONG list of failures! There were the guys that sort of worked out (count 5); the one daters who never called me back (maybe 10 or 11) the one daters who I never called back (3) and the numerable un-returned first contact e-mails (WAY too many to count). With those kinds of numbers, your odds of meeting someone are pretty good, but the goods you have to go through are pretty odd....

sara lou and stew said...

if he just returned from scotland maybe his year of hard drinking has impaired his memory. If binge drinking was a sport they would win the gold metal!

Deb said...

Oh my God, you should be a writer for the dating section in a woman's magazine, hilarious.

Not that your love life is hilarious, but I've BEEN exactly where you are, and look at me now, only took about 50 years to get it right. But you are much SMARTER than I am Katie!!

PS I am 64% Obama. In case you thought I wasn't.