Here and Now

Just living on a Sunday morning
Got my toast and tea and I'm warm and
I just thought I'd think about...
All the things to get and keep getting
Never enough not enough and never ending
I just thought I'd think about...

I don't remember exactly when or where Holly and I met, but I know we became fast friends. She convinced me to join the Boy Scouts (explorers) and together we hiked through the Grand Canyon & learned to spelunkle. Sophomore year all the girls donned dresses and went to the Winter Ball after dinner at TGIFridays. We were high class like that.

Later on, we became more rebellious and we would skip class just to drive around with the windows open and listen to Letters of Cleo. On cassette. We got fake ID's so that we could get tattoo's together and every time I look at that ridiculous gnome ridding a frog on my ankle I'm reminded of her, and my youth. We spent a lot of time smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee at the Denny's lounge with our boyfriends or just plain being silly.

When I returned from my year long stint pretending to be a sailor, I was a bit of a wreck. I had just had my heart broken, had lost 90 lbs due to a combination of illness, bootcamp, drinking & depression and was struggling with the suicide of a friend. Holly and I reconnected and she invited me to join the girls on a trip to Rocky Point.

Fueled by Jose Cuervo (damn you, Jose!), there was a falling out. I won't go into details but I'm still incredibly ashamed of my actions that night 10 years ago. And so, we haven't spoken since... mostly because I am a stubborn asshole and have refused to apologize. But, I have stalked her via MySpace for a few years and always hoped we'd get back in touch someday.

This morning I learned that Holly (sometimes Holli, with a heart over the i) passed away a few months ago. I'm not sure what took her, but my thoughts are with her family and friends. If it hurts this much for me, after 10 years of silence, they must be in agony. Holly was a force to be reckoned with, full of piss and vinegar (a term she loved) and I'm a little miffed that she didn't say goodbye. You will be missed Holly Beth. Adios.